The Pervert’s Guide to MMO’s

Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past year (particularly if it’s one without an internet connection), chances are that you’ve heard of games like World of Warcraft and Lineage 2. So called Multi Massive Online games, MMO’s for short.

In this guide I will try to explain this baffling concept to you by means of colourful depictions of pixelated boobs. Because, let’s face it, you probably found this guide by googling “Pervert’s guide to pixelated boobs”, which actually hasn’t landed you that far of your intended target. But I digress, let’s get started.

So, uh, what’s a MMO?

I’m glad you asked, a MMO is a game which features many players playing in a virtual word trying to acquire “experience”, the difference with normal games being that players can interact with thousands of other players, also connected to the virtual world. Or so Wikipedia says.

In reality it’s actually a skinner box thinly veiled as a game with colourful animations and characters (and of course, boobs)

Pictured: boobs

Seriously though, a mmo is literally nothing else than a fancy skinner box, the only difference being that you can question the sexual orientation of random people you meet in the game (read: call fags), which, admittedly, is actually quite fun.

So, do you still want to continue? Awesome. Moving on.

Still not seeing any boobs…

That’s the beauty of MMO’s, you can make the boobs. Nearly all MMO’s let you create your own character and customize it entirely to your liking; you can even create a ginger female dwarf with boobs, if you’re into that kind of stuff (you are) the possibilities are literally endless. There is even entire internet sites dedicated solely to badly written (erotic) fanfiction about games, which is, depending at which angle you look at it, really awesome, or really fucking disturbing (we here at the redaction are leaning slightly towards the first option).

What? You thought you were the only pervert in the MMO community? Dear boy, the MMO community is filled to the brim with people like you. You’re more like the rule than the exception, you’re practically the main demographic, you’re-

Ok, I get it, stop it

Right, I apologise that was mean of me (Albeit totally true)

Artist’s rendition of what a MMO player looks like

I want to move on to the real thing now

Well you see, that’s going to be a bit of problem. Do you know the saying “There are no girls on the internet”? That’s a load of bull. The lesser-known saying “There are no real girls on any MMO you’ll ever play and if there are, they’re probably dudes” however, is completely true.

Honestly, there’s a bigger chance that batman will burst to your door right now, kidnaps you, puts you in a gay costume and calls you Robin.

I don´t  see no Batman around here.

Well that´s a shame.

I  don´t think I want to keep playing it all seems a bit trivial OOH A SHINY SWORD I MUST GET MORE OF THIS

Congratulations, you’ve been successfully made into a MMO player. Allow me to play you out.

Awww yeah